One Mote

Someone tweeted a letter Matt Fraction wrote on his website in response to someone writing him asking if maybe suicide actually was a viable option. I’ve never read any of his stuff but this. If I never do, I’m glad I did.

There have been so. many. times. that I’ve been so very tired of the constant effort to keep my shit together. Money worries, responsibilities, commitments… I’d swear I was too tired of breathing to continue if it weren’t automatic. The really sad part was when I was just too damned tired to even end it. That’s what depression is for me. Being tired of keeping it together. Being tired of trying, of living up to even the expectation that I keep myself reasonably clean, much less my home. Then, of course, I can beat myself up for being lazy.

But there’s always another book to read, or re-read. There’s TV shows that have character arcs unfinished. There’s the next cute thing PITA or Pepa will do. There’s the next cute thing any one of my siblings’ numerous progeny will do. There’s the puppy I might someday get. There’s the next expansion of WoW. Whatever mote manages to flit through my head. And I don’t have to read that book, watch that TV show, take a picture of the cats, find pictures of niblings on Facebook, or play WoW right now. I can be too tired to do it right now. I can let it go until tomorrow and no one and nothing will be the worse for it. The ONLY thing I have to do is keep breathing until then, and that’s automatic, so I don’t have to try. I can just be too tired today to do anything but make sure I have tomorrow to see if I’m not too tired then.

Tell me about it...